How My Belief in Heaven and Hell Shifted Cosmically

My Childhood Beliefs

When born, I was baptized Catholic. As a child, I did attend Church ceremonies and Confraternity of Christine Doctrine (or CCD for short. I had to Google the full meaning honestly.) Those classes didn’t absorb. The only strong memories I have from it are playing hangman. Looking back, I’m thankful I didn’t absorb more. I don’t mean to sound like I’m against religion, but for me, it isn’t a core value anymore. I used to believe in a Heaven and Hell, but my life carved a different path for me. My family attended church when I was younger, but the attendance levels sank as my sister and I aged. While being raised Catholic created a foundation of the idea of an afterlife in my mind, the house I started seeing built didn’t make sense.

Being Gay Made Me Question Faith

One of the first realizations that shattered the structure of the house built was that I was gay. I was always attracted to the same sex but didn’t realize it was something viewed as unfavorable until sixth grade during a conversation at school. I didn’t tell my parents until I was 18 out of fear for how they may have reacted. And before I go further, please know both of my parents have been amazingly supportive. This article is purely about what shaped my views of the afterlife. The coming out story is for another piece. When 12, and even 18, there was a lot of fear of how they may react based on the religious aspect. That fear led me to question how God could allow the dread over the reaction of something that wasn’t a choice. And no, it is not a choice, period. I still believed there was more to life after death. Questioning my former faith was a chance to rewrite my beliefs.

Researching Online Is Where I Started

The first resource I used was It’s a forum fansite unaffiliated with the show, and over the years has shifted away from the paranormal. In 2003 it was a way to provide me with a few local stories, and further searches branched out to discovering other sites, including Hollow Hill. Fiona Broome is an investigator and friend I still work with to this day after meeting in 2008.  One of the things I love most about Fiona is that we could meet for a coffee, and go down the rabbit hole of theories about the afterlife. One of my favorites was about the Intention Experiment. The conversations with Fiona helped me to explore what we called “woo woo” theories, which is what shaped my current day belief system. Do I believe in a Heaven or a Hell? No. It’s something more cosmic.

How My Beliefs Evolved Cosmically

During the last two years, I’ve started watching more documentaries about the history of the universe. One of my favorite series is One Strange Rock. If you have access to it, definitely watch it! It opens your mind to the grand scheme of things. For myself, that included the afterlife. There is an episode that covers the formation of the planets, all forming from stardust. If all planets are the same, and we evolved from that dust, could the story of Adam and Eve be unknowingly based on the truth, even if loosely? Instead of what we perceive as God, what if what we sensed was the energy binding Space together?

What A Cosmic Afterlife Could Mean

That idea of the dust reforming lifetime after lifetime is the most plausible in my mind. I don’t believe we go to Heaven or Hell and spend eternity there. That concept seems more like a way of controlling ethics to live by that is black and white. It can also be a comfort for some. It gives a meaning of life; do good and go to Heaven; if not, go to Hell. At this point, I believe that we live our lifetime, and when our time is up, our souls rest for a period in an alternate universe. That universe is similar in theory to a Heaven, but it isn’t eternal. And I certainly don’t believe in a hellish place. It’s a place that will help us reflect and meditate on our past life and repeat the life cycle. I think it’s a place we need, not a reward or punishment like Heaven or Hell.

Could Past Lives Be Dark Matter?

Lately, my mind has also been turning over what dark matter could be. My theory relating to the afterlife is that dark matter is the energy of our past lives. There is a lot that we don’t know about dark matter, but it takes up 85% of Space. That’s a vast amount! That amount, paired with the fact that the expansion of Space is increasing, formed my theory. My idea is that every life of a living creature, whether single-celled or complex, creates dark matter when we die. It’s a reaction of our souls crossing into the afterlife universe. The more lifetimes we live, the more dark matter produces. As more planets form, more organisms breathe life, thus creating more dark matter. That increased production could be causing the expansion to accelerate. The dark matter theory is one of the ultimate woo woo theories, but it makes sense to me.

What This Belief Means for Me

The question is, what does this all mean for me? Honestly, not much will change as far as investigative means. I’ve always researched to discover the truth, even if it was that there is no afterlife. The largest change for me is thinking about how the afterlife would fit into the cosmos, and how scientifically it would be possible. Yes, it’s a lot of “woo woo” theories, but that’s what I’ve always loved about the paranormal. It’s one of the fields that welcomes woo woo with open arms. We may be quirky, but it can lead to interesting theories.

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